Friday, July 31, 2009

Ana Boot Camp

K so I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy with a bunch of confusing army crap. Well, I haven't really been sticking to my plans and I've gained back like 2 pounds so I'm like 129 now. I'm gonna do something about it though. Im starting Ana Boot Camp tomorrow. I'm gonna go through all the way. So the plan for tomorrow,

Food Plan (Max: 500 calories)

3/4 cups of honey bunches of oats cereal with 1/2 cup of skim milk: 160 calories
1 piece of toast: 65 calories

1 cup of activia yogurt - 70 calories
1 small banana - 90 calories

Medium apple - 72 calories
3 crackers - 36 calories

So there that's my plan for tomorrow. This blog is gettin pretty blah to me. I need to livin it up.

Ok so I'm not amazing with a computer, but I made a template. I think it's ok for being made by someone like me. LOL. Neways comment please and tell me what you think.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dreamland.. :X

Ok so last night I sleeping until I started having this dream. I was sitting with my boyfriend in his car. He was getting ready to leave for boot camp and this was the last time I was gonna get to see him for 3 months. It was so amazing. He told me he loved me. He gave me this beautiful necklace and told me he wanted to marry me when he got back. It was so pretty, then he left. So in my dream I went to a friends party to kinda take my mind off him. It was great, she had like these huge blow up obstacle courses, I freakin' love those things. :) Any ways I was busy woppin' everyone up on the obstacle course, not being upset about my boyfriend being gone when out of nowhere I see my Ex. I remember in the dream I was trying to avoid him but eventually I told myself that this was stupid cuz this guy used to be my best friend. So I talked to him and told I was surprised cuz he was supposed to be at basic. (Which is where he is right now) Than he told me that he got his ship date pushed back because he needed to talk to me. He told me that he was stupid for all the games he's played with me and that he can't leave without knowing whether or not it was to late for us. He said if I gave him another chance, then when he got back he would make up for everything and it could just be me and him for the rest of our lives. I remember my heart just melting whenever he was telling me all this and staring at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes. It seemed so real, and the sad part was whenever I woke up I was disappointed that it was just a dream... WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?? I'm so depressed right now I don't even wanna think about food or exercise. I just wanna lay around all day and pretend to make everything just go away. I really think my mom is starting to catch on. I was trying to find some breakfast this morning and all I could find was a bunch of fattening crap. No fruit , no veggies, no low cal. Just a bunch of crap I don't need to be putting into my body. I might have to wait 'til I get back from AIT that way I can buy my OWN food and maybe even have my own place. That would be great. Anyways I gotta go I'm just so bummed right now all I wanna do is sleep. Good luck and stay strong today everyone. :)

K new rule for myself. When I go to AIT I'm not gonna really be able to keep restricting my calories so I'm probably gonna gain my weight back. But I plan to start again when I come back in 2 months. SO I've made a vow not to buy ANY new clothes until I've lost all the weight I wanted to lose. That'll be like my little gift to my self when I reach my ultimate goal. K well that's all.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

128.5 lbs.

Well it's not as bad as I thought. Only .5 lbs put on. That should change tomorrow morning. :) I'm gonna really try to think positive. LOL. Anyways I just got done taking my dog for a walk for about and hour, and then I did like 30 minutes worth of toning on my whole body. By the way does anyone know of any good websites that I can go to that will tell me how many calories I've burned? 'cuz I can't seem to find any good ones. Well this is kinda nice. Even though the scale says I've gained .5 lbs my tummy looks flatter. My hip bones are poking out pretty far and you kinda already see a faint cut right underneath my ribs. It could be from all the tummy toning yesterday. I did a lot of that. Well any ways time for the damages from breakfast.

Food Diary:

Coffee - 0 calories
5 crackers - 100 calories
1 slice of cheese - 60 calories
1 small apple - 55 calories

That's 215 calories so far today. It's getting pretty close to lunch time. I plan to keep that under 100 calories. Well that's all I'll write some more later. Thanks for all the comments and support. stay strong everyone.

Coffee - 0 calories
1 boiled egg - 13 calories
1 piece of toast - 65 calories

So that's 293 calories so far today and I really don't feel that hungry. This 600 calorie thing might just be doable. :)

Monday, July 20, 2009

Tomorrows plan

Ok so I've eaten a little over 1000 calories today and I didn't get to exercise as much as I wouldv'e liked so I'll probably have some weight gain tomorrow morning. ICK. I'm really dreading it. It seems my boyfriend has calmed down somewhat so tomorrow's plan: no more than 600 calories. As for exercise 1.5 hours of jogging, and at least 30 minutes of toning my whole body. I'll have to make sure that when I eat someone's around 'cuz I think my mom might be suspecting something. Well I'll post more tomorrow. It's time for family guy. :x

The Ex

Ok so something weird happened last night.. My ex boyfriends family called me last night. I'm supposed to be leaving in a week and a half to go to AIT and they wanna throw a going away party for me... I thought that was really weird considering I haven't talked to anyone in that family INCLUDING the ex for a year. I HATE it when they try to contact me. Anyone know that song by Taylor Swift "The Way I Loved You". Yeah that song COMPLETELY applies to my life. My boyfriend is amazing. He treats me right. My ex... let's just say he couldv'e been better. When I weigh the Pro's and Con's of both of them my boyfriend outshines my ex by a landslide. But, for some reason, I still go through these phases where I miss my ex and wanna do anything to be with him. It could be because he was my first love and you know, you never forget your first love. I know I would never leave my boyfriend to be with him. I can honestly say I can see myself happier with my boyfriend than my ex. We just both want totally different things for our life. He went to the Army, I'm in the Army but I'm switching to the Marines in February. He wants lots of kids, I only want 3. He wants to have sex, I wanna wait til I'm married. I want my family to be centered around God. He just wants to follow the basics of christianity. Honestly the ONLY thing we had in common was that we wanted a lot of land and a lot of animals. He has NO respect for females. I hate to say it but he's sorta the one who got me to start freaking out about my weight. Anyways everytime his family tries to contact me it gets me to thinking about him and that maybe we can work everything out and I can just throw away my relationship that I invested a year and a half in. I'll go make another Pro's and Con's list. LOL that should help. The only thing my ex really has on my boyfriend is that fact that we grew up together and he's more muscular.
A.) I'm not that shallow
B.)My boyfriend will more than likely be more muscular than him when he gets back anyways

I just gotta keep reminding myself that and I'll be all better. :)
Ok sorry for the rant I just had to get that off my chest. Anyways

So I've already eaten lunch

Food diary:

coffee - 0 calories
1 scrambled egg- 13 calories
1/2 a medium banana - 53 calories
1 piece of toast - 65 calories

1 cup of tuna - 179 calories
8 crackers - 157 calories

So I've had 467 calories today. I did some tummy toning this morning I'll probably do some more this evening. Oh yeah almost forgot LOL. I was 128 this morning. That's .5 lbs less than yesterday. 2.5 lbs less than when I started. Well I gotta get this house clean and I'll post some more after dinner. Later lovely babes :)

Sunday, July 19, 2009

So Yesterday

Yesterday was a miserable failure. I had stayed under 300 calories until my boyfriend came and picked me up. He asked what I had eaten that day and I told him. I thought about lying to him, but I really can't lie to him, about anything. I love him to much. He freaked out. I kept telling him I just wasn't really hungry and that's why I didn't eat. Which was true I was hanging out with my best friend yesterday so I really wasn't able to exercise which is why I wasn't feeling to hungry. Anyways, he insisted that I eat so he took me to Mooyah. I tried to find the least fattening thing I could. So I found a 100% lean turkey meat burger. So I guess that was okay. At least I stayed under 500 calories. After all that I woke up this morning to a weight of 128.5 lbs. So at least I still lost 2 lbs after all that. I plan to stay under 1,000 calories today. I thought that maybe if I eat a little bit more, (but not like a freakin' glutton) for a little bit, it might help my boyfriend to calm down and not be so suspicious. Seriously anyone got any tips for this kinda thing? Cuz I'm blanking here.

Food diary:

1 cup of black coffee - 0 calories
1 small orange - 45 calories
1 piece of toast w/ 1 tbsp of peanut butter - 159 calories

So, so far today I've had 204 calories, and if my boyfriend asks what I had for breakfast, I think he'll be pretty satisfied w/ this. I've already done like 15 minutes worth of toning on my lower body, and I plan to go jogging this evening for about and hour when it's not so hot out. Here's my thinspiration for the day:

I like this girls figure. It's really cute. Look at those legs. I have men's legs. Well anyways I gotta clean up this house. I'll probably post some more after lunch. BTW thanks for all the comments you guys have been leaving. It helps keep me going when I really wanna give in. Well later!

1 cup of black coffee - 0 calories
1/2 a cup of tuna - 89 calories
1 piece of toast - 65 calories

k, I've had 358 calories today and I got one more meal left so I'm doing pretty good. My boyfriend hasn't asked me what I've eaten yet today. So I should probably eat dinner tonight before I see him. I think I might eat alot of low cal foods for dinner. That way it'll seem to him like I'm eating more. I'm really jittery right now. It's probably cuz I've been drinking coffee. I don't usually drink it but I've been hearing that the caffeine boosts your metabolism as long as you don't put a bunch of fattening crap in there. Oh yeah. Thanks to Hanz for the little boyfriend story/tip. LOL. It really boosted my confidence about getting him off my back. Part of me kinda worries my boyfriend will stay on forever about this. I'll try the whole eating and spitting out thing. Can't throw up though. I know that sounds weird, but I think I have like super gag reflexes. I tried the whole Mia thing first but I never could make myself throw up. It's probably for the better though cuz I heard about how the acid from throwing up can really mess you up. I'll stick to restricting my calories. :) Sorry I know I went off on a tangent there. LOL. It's probably the coffee. Anyways, I'll probably go jogging at around 6 after dinner. It should be cooling down by then. Until then, keep up the good work everyone:).

Ok I just got done running. I ran for an hour with my dog. He's my big old baby I love running with him. He's part German Shepard and Akita so he's kinda of a beast. LOL. He forces me to push myself. Anyways

1 cup of green beans - 27 calories
8 baby carrots - 30 calories
9 pieces of 97% fat free ham - 70 calories
1 medium apple - 72 calories
1 cup of vanilla ice cream - 360 calories.

The ice cream was kinda for my boyfriend. I figured that if he knew I ate something like that he'd probably wouldn't be so worried. So I ate 919 calories today.(and I DON'T feel hungry) I can't wait to see how much weight I've lost tomorrow. I'm hoping to have lost another pound by tomorrow. It'd be great if I could wake up tomorrow and weigh 107 lbs. LOL but I know that's going to take time. I wanted to address a lot of the comments I've been getting talking about me and my boyfriend. First thank you for all the supportive comments. They really help to keep me going. My boyfriend is really great. I've talked to him about my body image issues. He knows and understands I wanna lose weight he just doesn't understand why so much. He doesn't see that I'm only 5'3" and weighed 130 lbs. When I started losing weight I was only 5 lbs away from being considered overweight for my height and age. And consequently, to heavy to join the Marines, which is what I plan on doing. I understand that I'm probably going to have to eat a lot more once I join, but that's exactly what I mean when I say I'm not starving I just don't eat when it's not necessary. When I join the Marines though, my body is going to require a LOT more food. But that doesn't I'm gonna go back to stuffing my face like a fatso. :) I choose a goal weight of 107 b/c I went on a bunch of different sites and the "model" weight for my height and shape is 107. I'm not even gonna TRY to get any lower cuz I have a big butt, wide hips and thick thighs LOL and I know that could get pretty unhealthy. LOL sorry, I kinda went off on a tangent again. LOL. But thanks for all the comments, concerns, support and for making me feel really welcome. :) It helps to keep me motivated.

Plan for tomorrow:
Keep the calories between 1040 and 1080 calories. I know that's a lot but I'm trying to keep my boyfriend from worrying.
As for exercise I'm gonna do LOTS of tummy toning tomorrow.

Well that's all for tonight. Stay strong everyone. Goodnight :)

Friday, July 17, 2009

Weight gain... ick!!

Well my boyfriend has caught on and he's pretty much been staying with me and pretty much been making sure I eat for the past couple of days. I feel so sick and I'm pretty sure I've gained all my weight back. I feel stuffed. The thing is for the few days that I have been restricting my calorie intake I don't recall feeling that hungry at all. It's proof that America just eats way to much and that's why the majority of us are overweight. It's pretty sad. That's why I have a hard time explaining to my boyfriend that I'm not necessarily starving myself I just only eat when it is needed. And the human body does not NEED to eat everyday. It can go up to 40 days without food. Today's society lives to eat when in fact we need to eat to live. And that's it. Anyways sorry about the rant. I'm gonna start new tomorrow.

My plan for tomorrow:
no more than 300 calories
at least 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of toning.

That should help put me back on track.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Definently not giving in..

So I had church tonight. I started to feel like that maybe this isn't right and that I'm perfect just the way I am. Then I got home and saw how much weight I've lost in just 2 days. I weigh 122.5 lbs now!!! And that's even after slipping up yesterday. I toned and ran alot today. So that probably has some affect. But after seeing that I'm definitely not giving this up. 107 is so close I can feel it. Well I'm getting pretty tired. I'm gonna hit the sack I'll try to post some more tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


So today was my mom's birthday. It was pretty hard to avoid food today. But she got a coffee maker so I'll be able to get some coffee w/out anyone getting suspicious. My boyfriend came over today. Gosh he's so amazing. He brought me 3 roses and gave me a backrub. He really deserves someone alot prettier and skinnier. Seriously a guy who can look a fat girl like me dead in the eyes and tell her she's beautiful deserves the perfect girl and that's what I'm going to be for him. Anyways it was a bad day for food...

Food Intake:

1/2 a bottle of fuze - 90 calories
Orange - 62 calories
1 piece of toast w/ a tablespoon of peanut butter - 165 calories

Breakfast total: 317 calories

Cup of Lemonade - 120 calories
1 can of tuna - 140 calories
1 piece of toast - 70 calories

Lunch total: 330 calories

Herbal tea: 0 calories
1 cup of green beans - 40 calories
1 cup of baby carrots - 36 calories
1 medium apple - 56 calories
3 oz. of turkey - 75 calories
1 cup of cookies and cream ice cream - 360 calories

Dinner total: 567 calories

Day's total: 1,214 calories

So... today was horrible... I don't know what happened. I didn't even realize that I ate that much. Oh well it's still under the amount that I normally eat. I will do better tomorrow though. I'll keep it under 800 calories tomorrow. I didn't exercise much today either. I only did about 20 minutes of toning my lower body. I guess I was just so busy. I'm not gonna post my weight tonight cuz honestly I'm afraid to know. I'll post it in a couple days when it's gone down some. anyway, Thinspo...

I love her abs... I want mine to look like this so badly. I remember when they DID look like this. Anyways, I'll update on my progress more tomorrow. Oh yeah I'm still looking for some ana buddies to share tips and support with. Leave lots of comments please. :)

Monday, July 13, 2009

First Day...

K so my first day in Pro-Ana day is over. Wasn't to hard, but I bet it'll only get harder. Doesn't matter though, I'm determined to be perfect. Anyways...

Food intake:

Breakfast: Small Banana - 90 Calories

Lunch: Medium Apple - 72 Calories

Dinner: Orange - 62 Calories

All together: 224 Calories.

As for exercise today I did roughly 65 minutes of cardio all together and maybe 30 minutes worth of toning.

Well after my first day I'm down to 129.5 lbs. So I've lost one pound since I started this morning. 22.5 lbs from my goal weight... I've got a long way to go. But it's not impossible. 107 here I come. I will be perfect for my marine... Thinspo time. This girl is beautiful I love her long thin body... this is my thinspo for the day. I wish I could look like this...

Well that's all for tonight. More tomorrow. Stay strong ladies Leave comments, I would love to hear from other ana's to help keep me going.

Hello Ana.

K so I've been contemplating this for a while and I've come to the realization that this is what being a girl is about. Restricting, exercising like crazy and constantly worried about what everyone thinks. I've come to accept this and be happy about it. I just wish others around me would recognize that. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that Here I am Pro-Ana world. Ready to strive for perfection and willing to do whatever it takes. So I would like some support here from others who are Pro-Ana. Any tips and advice are greatly wanted. Well I guess that's all for now...