Dreamland.. :X

Ok so last night I sleeping until I started having this dream. I was sitting with my boyfriend in his car. He was getting ready to leave for boot camp and this was the last time I was gonna get to see him for 3 months. It was so amazing. He told me he loved me. He gave me this beautiful necklace and told me he wanted to marry me when he got back. It was so pretty, then he left. So in my dream I went to a friends party to kinda take my mind off him. It was great, she had like these huge blow up obstacle courses, I freakin' love those things. :) Any ways I was busy woppin' everyone up on the obstacle course, not being upset about my boyfriend being gone when out of nowhere I see my Ex. I remember in the dream I was trying to avoid him but eventually I told myself that this was stupid cuz this guy used to be my best friend. So I talked to him and told I was surprised cuz he was supposed to be at basic. (Which is where he is right now) Than he told me that he got his ship date pushed back because he needed to talk to me. He told me that he was stupid for all the games he's played with me and that he can't leave without knowing whether or not it was to late for us. He said if I gave him another chance, then when he got back he would make up for everything and it could just be me and him for the rest of our lives. I remember my heart just melting whenever he was telling me all this and staring at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes. It seemed so real, and the sad part was whenever I woke up I was disappointed that it was just a dream... WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?? I'm so depressed right now I don't even wanna think about food or exercise. I just wanna lay around all day and pretend to make everything just go away. I really think my mom is starting to catch on. I was trying to find some breakfast this morning and all I could find was a bunch of fattening crap. No fruit , no veggies, no low cal. Just a bunch of crap I don't need to be putting into my body. I might have to wait 'til I get back from AIT that way I can buy my OWN food and maybe even have my own place. That would be great. Anyways I gotta go I'm just so bummed right now all I wanna do is sleep. Good luck and stay strong today everyone. :)

K new rule for myself. When I go to AIT I'm not gonna really be able to keep restricting my calories so I'm probably gonna gain my weight back. But I plan to start again when I come back in 2 months. SO I've made a vow not to buy ANY new clothes until I've lost all the weight I wanted to lose. That'll be like my little gift to my self when I reach my ultimate goal. K well that's all.