Broken

I'm falling apart

I'm Barely Breathing

With a broken Heart

That's still beating

With every pain

There is healing

In any life

I find meaning.

Lifehouse - Broken.

Pretty much how I feel right now. I found out he was lying to me about having a facebook....Why would you lie to someone about that? Maybe there's something on his facebook he's hiding? He hasn't even given me a reason for breaking up with me. He just says it's what God told him to do... Ok I'll buy that. But he still calls me and tells me he loves me. He asks to hang out. I saw him yesterday. He kept trying to kiss me and hold me. My only question, if this is what God told him to do why is he still trying to act like we're together? I wish he would just leave me alone. When he kisses me and holds me and tells me he loves me, but then says we can't be together all it does is rip me apart inside. Gets all my hopes up just to smash them to pieces. it's really not fair. All I can think now is that there's another girl and he can't decide who he wants, which would really be a punch in the face to me since we've been together for a year and a half. My heart hurts so much and I still love him so much.

This diet is now officially for me. I'm gonna lose weight for me.

Now the other ex-boyfriend, (the army dude) we'll call him johnny. He's coming back in December, and now he's trying to write me from basic. He wants me to write him, I'd love to. We were best friends before we decided to ruin it by acting on our stupid teenage emotions. Now everytime we try to be friends it ends up in both of us wanting to be together but then ends in us having to face reality that it just won't work. But what do you write to your ex-boyfriend/best friend? Especially after Mr. Perfect just broke up with you? I know how it's gonna come out. He's gonna comfort me and make me think that HE'S Mr. Perfect. Than we're gonna completely forget why we broke up in the first place. We're gonna become blinded and be determined to make it work between us no matter what than after a few months we're gonna be completely broken hearted once we realize for the millionth time that there's just no way to make it work. Not going through that again.

Anyways today is a 500 calorie day. I haven't eaten yet today so far so great. :) I weighed 127.5 lbs this morning. I feel like if I could just get past the first 2 days I'll be great.

This is my thinspo for life: Selena Gomez! Why you might ask.

#1. She's stinkin' adorable!!

#2. Mr. Perfect thinks she's hot.

Thanks for all the lovely support you guys are awesome! *tear* I love you all so much! Stau strong!

ok everyone I'm ok I haven't been posting because my computer's been acting all funky on me. Me and the boyfriend are still broken up but I'm handling it. :) Thanks for all the support. Anyways I've been slacking on the diet. Probably because I needed comfort food. But I'm gonna get back on track and start regularly blogging again tomorrow. It's late now so I need sleep. Until tomorrow. Think thin everyone.

So me and the boyfriend brokeup...
I didn't think it would happen this way...
Actaully I didn't think it would happen at all
We seemed so perfect for each other
Maybe too perfect.
I don't really know if this pain is something I could live with.
So I hope it passes soon.
But it probably won't.
I weighed in at 128.5.
That's 2 1/2 lbs in 3 days.

It's day 4 of ABC so the max for today is 400 calories. That won't be to hard since I feel so sick to my stomach already.

Been gone for a bit..

Ok so I've realized I've been gone for a bit. I thought my boyfriend was going to be shipping out to boot camp so I've been spending as much time with him as possible. But his doctor wants him to do a month of physical therapy because of some crap that happened with his knee. So he wont be leaving for another month. YAY!!! :) anyways I gotta make this post quick, cuz my mom wants me to go to wal-mart.

to Ana Nonymous: Sorry I haven't answered til now. You probably have already had your question answered lol. But just in case the ABC diet is like a Pro-ana diet. It lasts for 50 days and has a pretty much a different calorie intake allowed for everyday. I'm not gonna lie. It's pretty hard to stick to. I'm actually starting over again today, cuz I haven't been following it to well. But when you DO stick to it, I've heard that you can lose quite a bit of weight. I don't have alot of time right now but if you want I can post the ABC diet plan in my blog for you. Just let me know. :) OH yeah and as for my revenge plan. I do not care whatsoever if you use it. Knock yourself out please. :)) LOL .

Ok I'm outta time. I'll answer the rest of the comments and post a REAL blog when I get back. Love you guys and gals. Stay strong :))

A Mix of feelings..

Ok so first off I'd like to thank, xthinforever, lovelybones, Ana's Girl, Sarah, Savory Sweet, and
-H- for all the hilarious, but supporting comments. They made me feel better and I was having a pretty bad day. Anyways, I have thought about it and I know what my revenge will be. Guess who's going with me on my shopping spree when I reach my final goal weight?? Yes that's what I'm gonna do. She's gonna see me putting on x-smalls and like size 3 jeans. (cuz in all reality, I have a HUGE butt and thighs) And she's gonna be so upset and I'm gonna be like that's karma for you hoe. I can just see it now. I'm gonna be asking "Do you have these jeans in a smaller size?" And she's gonna be asking "Do you have this shirt in a large?" YES!! I can't wait. Ahh. Is that to mean? Oh well. On a different note...

So I'm not gonna lie to you guys, I haven't been sticking to ABC. I haven't been eating like a fatso or anything but I definently haven't been sticking to the limits. And I haven't been doing no kind of exercise. After about a week I've lost maybe 1/2 a pound. I guess that's ok. It's weight loss, but I'd like to see more. I plan to reach my first goal weight of 124 by August 17. That's about 2 weeks away. So I restarted ABC today. I must say I've been doing pretty good. I'll post a pic once I've reached my first goal weight. I'm so excited to stick to it this time.

Food Intake:

Breakfast-
1 cup of Activia Yogurt 110 calories
1 small banana 90 calories

Lunch-
1 Turkey Sandwich 190 calories

Dinner-
1 South Beach Chocolate Raspberry bar 100 calories
WOOOOHHH!!! 490 calories all together! sorry I'm proud of myself lol.

Exercise:
30 minutes of running burned 259 calories
55 minutes of martial arts burned 527 calories
20 minutes of walking burned 153 calories

Thinspo

People I currently can't stand...

First off my ridiculously skinny so called "best friend." I'm alot shorter than her. So my "ideal" weight is ALOT lighter than hers. Anyways she always tries to be so f****** competitive with me. Back when I was alot skinnier (At 115) she weighed about 120 or so. And it was like her life dream to weigh less than me. Whatever I would eat she would eat half of. Whenever I worked out she would work out twice as hard and twice as long. It was so annoying. She's always trying to out do me. Now that I'm fat it's like she's having a f******* field day or something. It seems like she has to rub it in my face or something. "OOOOO guess what I'm lighter than you. Look at how big my size 3 pants are on me. OMG you used to be so tiny. How'd you get so big. I'm WAY smaller than you now." First off f*** you. The ONLY reason you're smaller and lighter than me is cuz I got fat. But wait 'til I lose all this weight. I'll be even tinnier than I was last time watch. Then there's absolutely NO WAY you'll ever be smaller than me EVER.

Second, my boyfriend. Boyfriend I love you but you're CONFUSING as hell! Stop telling me how perfect I am now if you're gonna gawk at how tiny my waist has been getting, or pictures of me from back when I was skinnier. It's very confusing and I need you to make up your mind. Cuz I wanna be perfect for you.

K I am COMPLETELY aware that my boyfriend and sorry excuse for a best friend probably won't ever read this, but I need to get this off my chest, and everyone here seems to understand me and my problems more than ANYONE I know in real life. Thanks for all the support you guys have been giving. It's been simply amazing. Stay strong lovelies.

Yup that's me, after last night's binge. Before anyone says anything, I know I'm pale and I know I have a chubby stomach. Yesterday was supposed to be Day 2 of ABC, but I got invited to a singles night at a friend from churches house.I still weigh the same 129.5 lbs, but I'm obviously bloated. Ugh I suck! Today is Day 3 of ABC and I haven't exercised at all today. All I've had so far is a banana which is probably around 200 or so calories. I might eat some canteloupe or something later on tonight. Ugh, hopefully I'll have lost some weight tomorrow. I'll exercise some tomorrow. I'm really starting to think that maybe I need to cut back on the socializing. That's when I seem to do my most eating. Maybe I'll just start bringing my own food with me or something, then I'll have an excuse. I could just take out my food and nibble whenever everyone else starts to eat pizza and junk. Then they'll just think I'm a health nut or something. IDK I guess you could say I kinda am, whatever. Well tomorrow is a new day. I'll do better tommorow. It's a 400 calorie day. I'll definently workout tomorrow. My plan is to run, maybe do some martial arts, and do some booty toning. x) Ok well I think it's time for some thinspo.

SHOPPING!!! :)

Ok today's been pretty good. Been sticking to the plan so far. I hadn't even gotten half way through my work out when my bestie called and asked if me and my sis wanted to go shopping. Let me tell you going shopping was like a HUGE thinspo for me. I know it sounds wierd. I got these purple skinny jeans that are a size large. (Screw you genetics and these huge thighs you cursed me with!) Anyways they're to tight, and I plan to get to where there to big, WAY to big. That'd be amazing. Plus shopping helped to keep my mind off food. I've only exercised for about 30 minutes or so. But I'm fixing to go run and tone. That's all for now.